it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
