he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
