It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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