Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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