i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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