id be glad to
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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