On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
