how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
