It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
