i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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