What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
