Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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