I just gift wrapped bread.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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