watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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