I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
