Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
