Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
