So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
