Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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