I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
