I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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