I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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