last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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