Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
