Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
