just tell him i said nine months
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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