Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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