your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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