Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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