No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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