The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
love makes seman taste better
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
