When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He felt like a one man threesome
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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