I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
