no, he came in my armpit
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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