About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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