his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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