i already hear my dad disowning me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
