I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
