So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
