You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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