Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
