Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
