the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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