Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
