I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
