my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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