He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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