i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
