It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
