Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
