we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
