so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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