I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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