I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
