hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
