I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
