I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
