Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
