a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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