in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."