If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY