I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.