Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
