now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.