You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
