you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
