My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
