do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
