he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
