Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
