She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drunk is a universal language darling
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
