awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
