Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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