i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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