You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
