i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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