My first STD was from a foam party
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Randomize
