I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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