Plan B is the new Plan A
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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