? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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