i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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