Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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