My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
