No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
it hurts more in the daytime
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
